Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
