i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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