I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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