Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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