I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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