Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
