i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
