I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
