You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
