Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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