wrigley field is MILF paradise
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
