Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
