In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
