I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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