peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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