Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize