i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
