Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
