I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
