as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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