Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
