my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
