census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So much rum. So many feels.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
