i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
