If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
