Porn is love you can see.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
