Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
