So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
