maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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