So drunk its hurt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
