i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
