I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
