your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he thought i was a dude.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I deserve this hangover.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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