i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
