he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
