everyone is single if you try hard enough
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
