My room smells like vodka and shame
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Acid is not a monday night drug
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
