Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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