i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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