so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize