just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
