So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
