it was like having sex with a tree stump
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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