I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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