this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize