I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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