I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
