mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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