Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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