Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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