well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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