And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
