dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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