i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
