not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize