Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
