connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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