escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
