Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
