Kiss
Puke
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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