It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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