god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
