Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
