the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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