Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
