New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
