did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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