Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
