as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
