I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
