i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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