i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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