Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
