He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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