i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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