I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
