One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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