I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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