and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
