Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
