I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
