i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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