went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
