I got her a Nickelback box set.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
