I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
