I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize