3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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