...so i touched it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
