he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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