guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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