i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
