at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
