So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
