thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
