I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
