grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
